Privacy, but make it goblins.

1. Who is operating this questionable enterprise?

As A Service, LLC operates Goblins as a Service at asaservice.app. For privacy questions or requests, email privacy@asaservice.app.

2. What do we collect?

If you accept analytics cookies, Google Analytics may collect:

• pages viewed, referral source, approximate visit time, and interactions;
• browser, device, operating-system, and screen information;
• general session and visitor counts;
• approximate geographic information derived from an IP address; and
• a randomly generated client identifier stored in first-party cookies.

Google Analytics 4 uses IP addresses during collection to derive approximate location, then discards them before storage. We do not ask Google Analytics to collect your name, email address, or other directly identifying information.

If you click an email link, your email provider sends the message directly. This website does not operate a contact-form database or feed correspondence to the analytics goblins.

3. Why do we collect it?

Only to understand whether anyone visits, which pages are useful or amusing, and whether the horde is functioning. Where consent is required, our legal basis is your consent. We use the same consent choice globally because maintaining separate international goblin law departments seemed excessive.

4. Cookies and local storage

Google Analytics does not load until you choose Accept analytics. Rejecting analytics does not limit the website.

5. Who receives the data?

Google LLC processes analytics data for us. Google may process information on servers outside your country. We have disabled Google Signals and advertising-personalization signals in our site tag. We do not sell analytics data or use it for remarketing.

Learn more in Google’s Privacy Policy and how Google uses information from partner sites.

6. How long do we keep it?

Our access to user-level and event-level Google Analytics data is limited by the retention setting in our Analytics property and will not exceed 14 months. Google may retain aggregated reports that no longer identify an individual visitor for longer. The consent preference remains in your browser until you change it or clear browser storage.

7. Your choices and rights

You can reject analytics when first visiting, or select Cookie settings at the bottom of any page to change your choice. Withdrawing consent stops future Analytics loading and removes accessible Analytics cookies from this domain.

Depending on where you live, you may have rights to access, correct, delete, restrict, object to, or obtain a copy of personal data, withdraw consent, and complain to your local data-protection authority. Email privacy@asaservice.app to exercise a right. We may need enough information to verify the request without accidentally handing your data to three goblins in a trench coat.

8. Children

This site is a general-audience parody and is not designed to collect information from children under 13 or the applicable digital-consent age. It contains no account creation, purchasing, or user-submitted content.

9. Security and inevitable reality

We use ordinary technical safeguards appropriate to a small static website, including HTTPS when correctly enabled by the host. No internet transmission is perfectly secure, including transmissions guarded by very determined cave personnel.

10. Changes

We may update this policy if the site, analytics configuration, law, or available goblin technology changes. Material changes will be reflected here with a new effective date.

Effective date: July 17, 2026
Last updated: July 17, 2026